IT'S A TOUGH JOB, BUT SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT

BY TRAVIS MORGAN / Nov 21, 2002
Brigham Young University’s Daily Universe

Nothing seems to soothe semester-end stress like a great scary movie. Unfortunately, every time I see a commercial for a perfectly disturbing film, it seems to be rated 'R for violence, content, language' or some other indiscretion. Come now, can't film producers create more disturbing and distressing films for my PG-13 eyes?

Enter Clean Flicks.

Here in Utah Valley, we have another alternative to satisfy our hankering for mind-numbing motion pictures. Suddenly, all those naughty words and unsettling scenes magically disappear with the snip of a pair of digital editing scissors. Clean Flicks president, John Dixon, reassured me that movies are not edited "so much that you can't figure out what's happened."

So, you can still watch all those popular satanic and troubling films without the swear words. But don't fret, the underlying messages of doom and gloom should remain fully intact.

With the holiday season soon approaching, scores of inappropriate movies should be hitting movie theaters any time now. I hear Eminem's new movie is sprinkled with enough colorful language to keep movie editors clipping for hours on end. But within a few short months, you should be able to watch his rise to rapper greatness without his pesky rapper tongue. You may need to find a good organist, however, because the film may end up as a 1920s-style silent movie.

I've always wondered who edits out all those naughty parts of the films. Can just anybody get into the movie-slicing business? I thought I would do some investigating to see if they are looking for any extra help. It turns out that Clean Flicks already has a very competent movie editing staff, based out of Payson, Utah County. And apparently, they already get offers from a few prospective smut-slashers. "Sometimes we get people who offer to edit from their homes for us, but we don't need that," Dixon told me.

I can almost hear the conversations of potential edit-from-home applicants: "I already told you, honey, I'm not watching rated-R movies in our living room, I'm editing rated-R movies. It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

The sacrifices people are willing to make for the good of the rest of us!

I thank you eager and dedicated stay-at-home movie editing hopefuls for offering your souls in exchange for my salvation. I will never watch the edited Exorcist again without thinking of your generosity on my behalf.

Image courtesy of Divine Comedy, BYU's award winning comedy troupe.